« in bar-studying and in health | Main | Cuba has premature babies too »
June 30, 2007
optimism
Lately, I've heard a lot about optimism. I've been under quasi-house arrest due to bar exam studying, and I think it's pretty common knowledge that I wasn't loving life too much last month, so I've gotten a lot of "keep your chin up" speeches. And, despite myself, I appreciated all of them no matter how many times I've heard it before. I am very grateful to know that there are so many people out there rooting for me to actually pass the bar. So, because you have all been so loving and patient, you deserve an update. And not JUST an update, and actual HONEST update....
The most recent bar update is... dun dun dun... two weeks ago I failed the practice MBE. That's practice Multistate Bar Exam. The MBE is a 6 hour multiple choice test, which makes up the middle day of the actual bar exam. (the first day is a half day of short answer/legal writing, and the third day is a full day of essays). Obviously, failing is not going to work, so I gave myself a second practice MBE last week and passed with flying colors. I don't know what you can take from that, on its face, so the back story is that the first time, I was only studying 4-5 hours per day and had had a couple of personal disappointments the day before the test (sorry, no details), and the second time I had studied 6-7 hours per day every day for a week (yes counting the weekend and yes I am still working part time), and I had forced all non-bar thoughts out of my mind. So, apparently, the trick to doing well in law is: Don't think about anything but law and work hard all the time. I think I may have heard that before.....
As of today, I have one week left of my 6 week bar prep course, then I have two weeks to continue studying on my own before the bar starts on June 24. I feel moderately optimistic, though I'm somewhat tired. I am taking the 4th of July off. I am also taking a Saturday off in 2 weeks. Other than that, I have no plans to take any days off in the near future, but I can generally take a couple of hours off each evening, so call me if you want to get dinner. I do still eat dinner.
To answer some of your general questions: Yes, studying for the bar exam is much worse than law school. No, I don't know why that is. If you would like to save the law students, I suggest you write to the Texas Bar Examiners. We are very endangered. If I had to guess why studying for the bar is so much worse, I would guess that it's because in law school we only take 4-6 classes at a time, then we have finals which count for our whole grade. That's fairly painful, but in bar prep we're studying for/trying to remember approx. 25 topics all at once, we only have 2 months to do it, and then we have one test which tells us whether the last three years to mean anything. And, frankly, it's just hard to remember all of three years/25 subjects at one time for one test. It is just not that easy to know that much all at once. Not even if you were in the blue reading group in first grade, not even if you were in the gifted and talented program in middle school, and not even if you graduated with high honors from college. Sadly, it's just hard. There's nothing for it but to try to plow through and hope you don't fail. That would basically be it.
Yes, I already know about mnemonic devices, flash cards, verbal memory, writing things out, outlining, and doing practice questions. Sadly, no, I do not have a photographic memory. I'm actually not that great at memorizing things at all.
If you would like to help me, you can pray or send good vibes or whatever and request that I get help learning not be such a grumpy grumperskins. My major difficulty so far in bar studying has been keeping my spirits up. As many of you know, this law thing has never come easily to me, and thus the last 5 weeks have been rather difficult emotionally. I've thought a lot about optimism off and on, but for all that I'm still not clear on how to obtain it. It's more my nature to be careful than to shoot for the stars, and I'm more prone to face facts than to dream big. Generally, I like being pragmatic, but in times of stress it has the drawback of not making one particularly resistant to the looming forces of darker possibilities. Jeremy has been quite a good counterweight to my gloom and doom, and has truly shown himself to be a patient, wise, and understanding spouse during the last month or so. Many men claim devotion, but the reality of a barely-there, quasi-insane, stressed-out spouse is not what any tux-clad groom is staring at when he makes that vow. They say it's in times of real stress that people show what they're made of, and I have to say, during this particular stressor, Jeremy has proven to be a solid choice and a much better person than I. I'm a lucky woman:)
In closing, I leave you with a happy link to a website of a lawyer who GASP...LIKES HER JOB.
I know, out of character, right? Well, let this link be my first offering to the optimism fairies. I am trying.
Posted on June 30, 2007 8:20 PM
Comments
I got a 109 on the simulated MBE. Just so ya know.
-D's friend (I think I'll leave my identity off this one beyond that...I still feel the shame of simulated MBE-failure)
Posted by: at July 1, 2007 10:21 PM
Brian and I are sending you lots of prayers and good thoughts, we have faith in you, no matter what. Good luck with the studying!
Posted by: Heather Cleary at July 2, 2007 3:46 PM